Pregnancy #4 - miscarriage at 10 1/2 weeks

Okay, so here's the gory details.......

I started bleeding on Saturday afternoon. It definitely made me nervous, but I think 'scared' was a little too strong a word. I was a little scared Sunday though. I wasn't bleeding very heavily, so I thought that maybe I could save this baby as long as the baby itself was doing okay. So I put myself on bed rest (as much as I could stand it) all day Sunday and most of Monday.

I went to the doctor on Monday morning thinking I might be able to get an ultrasound. This was a free clinic (the OKC Indian clinic) and I didn't have an appointment, so the nurse called me back to ask me some questions (routine), and she was so cold and insensitive. She basically told me that since I wasn't bleeding very much, it's perfectly normal and I should just go home and only come in if I'm bleeding out huge clots. I tried to tell her that I didn't feel like this was normal, especially compared to my previous 3 pregnancies, but hey, she's the "medical professional", so she should know more about my body than I should, right??? (I was so irritated at her!) There was nothing she or the doctor could've done about it anyway, I just wish she had been more sensitive!

My mom had watched the kids for me, so she ended up taking the youngest two with her. My plan was to come down after violin class this morning (obviously we didn't go to class). My parents are going to keep them for another night, and my oldest and I will join them tomorrow and probably spend tomorrow night there. Anyway, that was a really big help not having to worry about the two of them. My oldest can get his own food/water and entertain himself pretty easily, so we just watched Superman cartoons (on DVD) and I let him eat cashews and dates (a special treat) all afternoon. I actually slept through most of the cartoons, but he said he really enjoyed his "Mommy time".

Last night I started having minor cramps. I thought it might be contractions, but I wasn't sure (I think I was in denial). They started getting stronger, but I was still able to sleep through them. At about 2am I repositioned and felt a gush of blood, so I jumped up and went to the bathroom. That was when I passed the first HUGE clot/tissue......whatever it was. It was jelly-like. Over the course of the next 3 hours I passed more large masses of tissue of some sort. I never saw anything that looked anything at all like a baby, so I am thinking it could have been a molar pregnancy. (Another reason I think that is because from the very beginning my pregnancy tests have been very, very light, like the hormone was barely detectable. I may never know for sure what that meant, but I just feel like something was wrong from the very beginning. I was only raw for about 2 weeks when I conceived, so I still had a lot of the same health issues that I had before. I'm confident it had absolutely nothing to do with diet or detoxing though.)

I had no idea what to expect during a miscarriage! I had no idea I'd be going through the whole 9 yards of labor! It wasn't quite as painful as my full-term labors, but I'm wondering if that may partly be due to my raw diet. I did have some pain, more than I was prepared for, but it was tolerable. I did get nauseous and threw up at one point. I asked Myles to bring me some water and by the time he got back with it (a minute later?) I was throwing up and didn't want any! LOL! Then a little bit later I was fine and got a drink. Next thing I remember was I was EXTREMELY light-headed and about to pass out, so he helped me get back to the recliner couch, and I was so much more comfortable. I didn't pass out, thank goodness. After I made it back to the couch, I still had a few more contractions, but nothing major. They quickly subsided and I was able to sleep a few more hours (from about 5am-8am). I passed a bit more when I woke up, but that was the last of it as of right now.

As soon as Jonathan woke up and had something to eat, he walked down to my FIL's house. My FIL had him for about 3 hours. I was fine by then, and Myles stayed home from work (he knew he'd better....lol), but it was still fun for Jonathan and easier on us without him here. We just relaxed a while longer (okay, we were LAZY!).

I am feeling great right now, but I know that can change, so I'm watching for that both physically and emotionally. I called the nurse that I saw yesterday. I told her everything that happened, and I really don't think she believed me. She acted like I should be bleeding every drop of blood in my body for it to be a viable miscarriage!!! I told her I'd been taking liquid chlorophyll which raised my iron/hemoglobin level and therefore reduced the bleeding, but she still didn't believe me. I felt like reaching through the phone and slapping her, but that wouldn't have done any good.

On a positive note, I had been planning all along to have an unassisted pregnancy (no doctor or midwife) and an unassisted birth at home. I felt really empowered and learned to trust my instincts and my body more as a result of this labor/miscarriage. I definitely didn't want the pregnancy to end, but at least I can get some good out of it, I guess. I also chose not to get a d&c. Myles was a little upset with me but was mostly concerned for my health. In the end, he agreed to let me do it my own way and that I would be open to a d&c should something abnormal come up in the next few days. Otherwise, I think I convinced him it wasn't necessary and could cause many other problems. (After my 2nd was born, the doctor had pulled on the umbilical cord [intervention] which led to a d&c [more intervention], but they didn't get it all! I had to have an anti-biotic [more intervention] and passed more of the placenta on my own [naturally] after 8 days!)

So, that's where I'm at right now. I'm feeling fine for the time being, and at this point I don't think there was a baby there. Anastazia, you're right though that we had hopes and dreams of another baby being part of our family in October. So even though we may not have lost a baby, we did lose hope. I guess that's not easy either, but with friends like all of you praying and offering support in whatever way possible, and through God's strength and love, we'll be just fine.

Thank you again, and seriously, I don't mind talking about it, so feel free to ask me anything. I only say this because when I've had friends who have miscarried, I never know what is okay to say or not to say. So ask me anything you want. If I'm really emotional at some point, I'll just be sure to not get on the computer at that time!

So, today I still feel about the same. I feel great physically and emotionally so far, but I am on alert just in case my emotions start to go crazy! I'll try to come here and post my thoughts and feelings over the next few days in addition to what I am eating. Honestly, I haven't been doing too well with raw lately, but it's what I really, truly want. I know I can do it.

Oh, and a friend of mine suggested that maybe I had a "blighted ovum" instead of a molar pregnancy. I did a little research online, and since they seem similar at a glance and the blighted ovum is much more common, that's probably what it was. But that's really just a guess from what I saw with my own eyes. I never went to the doctor or hospital.

Pregnancy/baby #3, Jacob!

Now that Jacob is about to turn EIGHT years old, I am finally writing down his birth story! Obviously I am not going to remember all the details or everything that I was thinking at the time, but I will do my best. Here it goes.....

I remember taking some natural supplements for maybe a couple of weeks or so before the birth. I knew he was going to be "big", so I didn't really want to go past my due date.....but I wanted to wait until I went into labor and not be induced, for my first time! So finally, 4 days after my due date, something finally worked! I don't remember where I read this at the time because I can't find it anywhere now, but I had read that sometimes rubbing the inner thighs vigorously will stimulate contractions. I can't remember if we tried it unsuccessfully before then or not (I don't think so), but it definitely worked this time. I immediately started having some contractions, but nothing major and nothing intense. This was in the evening, so I just went to bed.

I woke up on the morning of the 10th with contractions that I KNEW were the "real thing". It was about 5:30 AM, so my husband called in to work and stayed with me all day. :) So far the contractions were definitely bearable, so I was kind of enjoying it at this point, as it was my first home birth and the first time I went into labor on my own, but I definitely couldn't sleep through them.

Again, I don't remember many details now, so this will be short.

I know at some point, my parents came to get the other two kids so I wouldn't have to worry about them. I would probably have wanted to keep them there if I had the decision to make NOW, but at that time, being my first home birth, they were only 2 and 4, so I'm sure they were happier at my parents' house.

Labor progressed, but the contractions never really got regular, as I expected them to. Sometimes they would be just a few minutes apart (maybe 5 or so), then they would be 20 minutes apart. Some lasted 45 seconds while others lasted 2 minutes!!!! I learned afterwards (at some point) that this can be a variation of "normal" for many women. I wish I'd known that before! The only thing the "professionals" ever tell you is to wait until they are 5 minutes apart and last for 1 minute each! I know with my first two inductions, I wasn't considered in "regular, active labor" until they were steady contractions, with the same amount of time between each contraction and all lasting about the same length of time. And the pitocin really did it for me too. Ouch! But this labor was not text book.

So as the day went on, these contractions DID actually have a pattern. One interval was 15-20 minutes, lasting close to 2 minutes long, and the next interval would be between 2-5 minutes, lasting about 45 seconds. So I would have one long and intense contraction and then one shorter and more bearable (I could breathe and relax through!) contraction. This went on for HOURS, of course, and they did get a little closer together and more intense.

I had the "fishy pool" to birth in, and I LOOOOOOVED it! At least my head did. My body didn't seem to do well with it. I had always heard that contractions were less intense and more comfortable in the water, because it was a natural pain reliever, but I reacted exactly the opposite. When I tried to get in the water 2 or 3 times, I didn't last long because my contractions got MUCH more intense, and they were all back to back. I didn't have time to relax at all! :( It must have been the last time I was in the water, my bag of waters broke.....first time on its own! I was so relieved about that. It looked good (the midwife was there by this point), so no concerns with it.

Shortly after this, I tried laying on the bed, since the water didn't work for me. Oh, I hated that bed! It was not comfortable at all! Actually, by this point I don't think any position was very comfortable! The one good thing I remember about laying there though was that the midwife actually taught me how to relax, how to truly relax during a contraction. She would just watch my eyebrows, and any time I would start to tighten up my face even the slightest bit, she would rub my forehead and softly say, "No, no, no, shhhhh.....relax. Breathe slowly and deeply." I didn't think it was possible, but I got it! And WOW, it really did work! It was extra challenging for the longer, more intense contractions, but I did it! That was encouraging!

I have to add here, we had no idea what was going on outside of our house. We knew there was a storm coming, but we weren't watching the news or calling anyone to keep up with it. There were storms all the time, so no big deal! We were inside where it was safe and warm! Well, sometime that afternoon the tornado sirens had gone off!!!! My husband ran to the other room to turn the TV on. I'm glad we were not in the path, but the tornado was only a couple of miles north of us! In November!!! And to this day, the midwife remembers and laughs about that. :) I think it is funny that I brought a little "tornado" into the world on a day when we had a tornado in our town! Haha!

It was probably around this time (sometime in the afternoon) that she checked me, since it seemed the baby hadn't even dropped yet. Sure enough, he was still very high (she could barely touch him), and she wasn't feeling his head. Uh, oh! What does that mean? She said she thought she was feeling his butt! Oh no!!!! So she called the other midwife, and a little while later she arrived and confirmed it. He was breech with his butt down.

So now we had some other things to consider. By now I was VERY discouraged and just plain TIRED. My options were to deliver breech at home, which wasn't really looking like a good possibility for me, or deliver breech at the hospital or a c/s at the hospital. I remember the midwives going outside to talk about it themselves (what was that about?!), and then ultimately it was my decision. At this point though, I just wanted this baby OUT!

By now it was dark, and the ride to the hospital was horrible. I felt every.single.bump. I was still hoping to deliver him breech, and they even hooked me up to pitocin to help "regulate" those contractions (!!!), but as they were about to start it, they did a quick ultrasound and determined he was probably over 10 pounds. I was so tired of them messing with me while having intense contractions, and fearful of him being breech AND big, that I gave in to a c-section. It was only a few contractions later that the spinal anesthetic took effect and I could finally relax. Ahhhhh!!!!

The next thing I remember is being cut open (I couldn't see it though, I just thought it was so strange!) and seeing my baby as they lifted him up to my view. I think they brought him to my face so I could kiss him. Yep, he was a BIG baby for sure! :) He weighed in at 10lbs. 3 ozs. with a 14 1/2" head! I can't really say I have any regrets about the c/s, but I do often wonder if I could have birthed him vaginally if I had hung on just a little longer. I also think that *maybe* the contractions were different and he didn't drop just because of the position he was in. That is all in retrospect, and I will never know for sure.

This was my 3rd baby, and we had become more and more "crunchy" by this time, so I made sure my husband knew to stay with the baby at all times. "Don't let him out of your sight, and don't let them do anything to him without our permission!" I was even barking out orders while being sewn up! Haha! So they laid him on the warming table to wipe him off, take measurements, APGAR, etc. and while my husband was just doting on him, he didn't notice that they gave him eye drops. I couldn't see because everyone was standing around him and blocking my view. I was a little disappointed in my hubby, but I was mostly frustrated with all the routine things they do with babies without permission. The eye drops were just not necessary, and now he wasn't going to see clearly for a while, not to mention the glossy wet eyes in all the pictures. So annoying!

Fast forward a little while (not sure how long), and once I woke up from recovery, I was able to hold my new precious baby boy!!!! I remember waking up and seeing everyone from my church there while I was laying in bed. That was a little.....awkward, but it was nice to know they cared. They all doted over him and mentioned his thick, black hair and that he already needed a hair cut, etc.

I really don't remember a whole lot about he hospital stay after that, but I do remember at one point, probably right after birth, they gave him a bottle of formula *without my permission* just because he was big and I was sleeping. Again, so frustrating!!!! They just do whatever is routine without considering that not every mother wants the routine things done! They also gave him a pacifier, and in the beginning, I did not want him to have any artificial nipples.

So the birth did NOT go as I had planned or hoped, but the rest of the hospital stay was fine. Most of the nurses were wonderful, and we had a very nice, large room to ourselves. I knew my kids were in good hands at my parents' house, so we just relaxed and enjoyed our new baby while being served food, snacks, etc. Still no complaints about that! Ha!

Jacob was born on a Wednesday night. By Sunday I noticed a slight wheeze when I breathed deeply. I thought it was strange but so harmless that I didn't say anything at that time. By the following Wednesday, I could hardly breathe, and I felt like I was going to DIE from just walking across a room! I was diagnosed with pneumonia and given strong antibiotics, which caused me to have to "pump and dump" for a week. Jacob had formula during that time, which killed me, but I knew it would only be temporarily. I went on to nurse him for exactly a year (I would have gone longer if I could have), so I was happy about that!

Of course, if I were in this situation again, I would probably have done things differently, and I could have continued nursing, but I was pretty bad and scared at the time, and I knew we'd both be okay once we got past this. I felt completely better in just a couple of days! I felt in my gut that it was a reaction to the spinal anesthetic, but I didn't really know for sure. Fast forward to my 2nd c/s, it was done by another doctor, hospital and anesthesiologist, and I did not have that reaction. Fast forward again to my 3rd c/s, I was back with the first doc/hospital/anesthesiologist and it DID happen AGAIN! Thankfully I recognized that little wheeze immediately, but I was still in danger with all the swelling and extremely high blood pressure. I was hospitalized overnight this time, but all was fine. So I really feel it had something to do with the spinal anesthetic, but I may never know for sure, hopefully because I won't have to deal with that again!

I think that's about all I remember......more than I thought I would! Even though he was not born the way I wanted, there is nothing I can do to go back and change that, so I am just so thankful he was very healthy (and still is!) and was such an easy baby. With my two preschoolers, he almost got ignored in the beginning because he was so quiet! Wow, things sure have changed! ;)

Jayla's birth

I can't seem to find where I have journaled about Jayla's birth right after the event, but I know I have written down SOMETHING about it. I'll add it to this when I find it. So this is all from memory from a birth that occurred nearly 5 years ago. FIVE YEARS?! WOW!

(updated 10-31-12.....Wow, now she is 10 years old! I never found anything that I may have written down previously, so this is it, unless I remember more as I am reading......)

The pregnancy was pretty routine, though I did have a lot of swelling (again) in the last couple of months and high blood pressure for the last 2-3 weeks. I hadn't gained as much as I did with Jonathan, and I could tell just from how I felt and looked that she was going to be a smaller baby. Boy, was I right! She was 3 pounds smaller!

So it was 6 days before my due date, June 7th (my brother's birthday), when Myles and I were going to go on "one last date" before she was born. We expected to go another week or so, possibly longer if I wasn't induced. The doctor had wanted me to go in at my own convenience and do a NST, so we decided to do that right after dinner. This was a Friday night. I'm so glad we ate first. :)

I laid there for what seemed like FOREVER, sipping juice and watching Jayla's heart rate. It seemed fine to me the entire time, so I couldn't figure out why they wanted me to stay for so long. (Myles remembers the nurse being really rude.) Once they took the monitors off, the doctor showed me one spot where her heart skipped a beat when they were messing with the monitors and pushing on my tummy. (Now that I think about it, maybe it just didn't pick up a beat! Hmmmm....) So she strongly recommended an induction right then! Wow! We knew there was a possibility, but really didn't expect to have her for a few more days.

We got everything situated and called my parents to let them know that they'd be keeping Jonathan for a couple more days. They finally started the pitocin around 1-something in the morning. I was still pretty wide awake because I am typically a "night owl" anyway, plus I couldn't think about sleeping with all the excitement that was stirring! I remember talking and laughing with others in the room. I think Myles fell asleep at some point, but I can't remember for sure.

It was around 4:30, I think, when the contractions really started going! They were much stronger and regulated. I don't remember when I requested an epidural, but I don't think it was this early. As the morning went on, family members started waking up and coming to visit. I don't even remember who all was there (I need to find what I wrote down at that time!!!), but I do remember one visitor; my brother Craig, who had just had the birthday the day before. I think his girlfriend (now wife) was also there, but the reason I remember him being there so well is because he came in at a really bad time! The nurse was about to check my dilation, and I was really close to delivering when he just waltzed on in the room carrying a Braum's bag full of breakfast. LOL!

Back to the epidural....I never got it! For at least a couple of hours I was begging for an epidural, but the anesthesiologist was stuck in the OR from an emergency c-section and couldn't leave to come to me! I think he was finally free right after she was born! I don't think there is anything worse than having pitocin-induced contractions while planning for an epidural and then unexpectedly not getting it! OUCH!!! I didn't even try to relax in the end, I just gripped the bed rail with all the strength I had in me! I know now that is the last thing you want to do, but it was the only thing that seemed to help at the time. I think that because I was induced it would have been nearly impossible to relax. I was so tired by this time too. :(

At one point, just as I was entering transition and really trying hard to focus internally, the doctor leaned forward to tell me in her most gentle voice possible that if I didn't progress more soon, they may have to do a c-section. What? After only a few hours?! Well, she was talking to me while I was contracting, so I just caught the gist of it. When she saw my face and body language, she had the nurse check me again. I was at an 8 (I think, maybe more) and she had dropped! I remember her laughing and saying something like "Well, I guess the threat of a c/s was all it took!" Ha ha

It was somewhere around this time that Craig walked in with the bag of food. When I updated him and told him he might want to leave before he gets an eye-full, he did a 180 and almost ran out! LOL! Despite the "condition" I was in at that moment, I had to laugh!

Jayla was born about 10 minutes or so after the doctor "threatened" me with a c/s. I tore a little, likely because she came quickly in the end, but not as bad as I did with Jonathan. I didn't know about this until I was pregnant with Jacob and talking with a midwife, but after she was born the doctor PULLED on the umbilical cord to get the placenta out! Oh, I was so mad that no one told me that, but more upset that it happened, and without my knowledge!!! The way I found out is that it came up in conversation with the midwife, and my mom was with me and said "Yes, your doctor did that after Jayla was born!" Oh! The nerve! The midwife was talking about how a lot of doctors do that, so even if I had known about it, I probably could not have won the case if I chose to sue. That disgusts me that they get away with things like that! As a result of something the doctor did, she had to do a D&C after I had already delivered Jayla without medication (so now I was totally out of it and could not even hold her), and was then expected to pay for her mistakes! Ugh! Not only that, but she didn't even get it all. She prescribed an anti-biotic as a precaution, and when Jayla was 8 days old I passed a large piece of placenta at home! What was the point in the D&C if it was going to come out on its own anyway?! (I'd better move on or I'll be in a bad mood about this the rest of the day...LOL!)

I remember trying to hold her after I woke up, but I felt like I was going to drop her. I couldn't even keep my eyes open, so it wasn't exactly the "moment" I had dreamed of. :'( I had to give her back after just a few seconds, and I think I may have fallen back to sleep.

I don't really remember a whole lot about the hospital stay except that we had a smaller room than the first time, and we quickly got booted out the next morning to make room for more deliveries. We went to the overflow room, and by afternoon were sent home just because of lack of beds! How irritating. I'm glad we were well enough to be able to go home, but I was enjoying the privacy of our room and being waited on. Of course, I have since changed my mind about that, but I wasn't ready to go home at that time!

Once we were home and settling into our new routine, things went great. I recovered from the tear pretty quickly and she was nursing well....all was great!

I sure wish I could remember more about the birth other than the absolutely horrible things. I'm sure there were tons of "little" things that I was not happy with, or at least would not be now.

So, Jayla Dawn was born on June 8, 2002 at 9:43 am. She weighed 6 lbs. 3 ozs. and was 18" long. Her head circumference was 13". She was certainly a small little thing! She even wore preemie clothes for nearly 6 weeks! She was the best baby too, which is probably why I don't remember many of the details of her babyhood. She was just always so pleasant and fun to be around. :)

#1 - Jonathan's birth

I had my final Dr. appt. on May 3rd (fairly typical prenatal care). I was dilated to a 3, but had been dilating already for about 2 or 3 weeks. My doctor scheduled the induction for 6 AM on Friday morning the 5th. Myles and I planned to go on a date on Thursday night and just have some fun by ourselves before our little one invaded our privacy, but Thursday morning (the actual due date) my doc called me and asked, "How would you like to have your baby today?"! Well, I told her yes and about 4 hours later we were admitted into the hospital!

Of course Myles had to leave work early. We arrived at the hospital at around 11:30 AM. By 11:45 we had our room and an IV in. They started the pitocin at around 12:45 and I was considered in active labor by around 4:00. Soon after that the contractions started getting sharp, and fast. The doctor had an internal monitor put in, after I had been trying to tell the nurses that the contractions were hurting pretty bad, so that they could actually measure the intensity of each contraction. At around 6:15 I was given an epidural when they were finally convinced I was in much pain by that time. (Apparently I can take more pain than I thought. The nurses were expecting me to be crawling off the bed!) Once the nurses saw how intense they really were by inserting an internal monitor, they were quick to get me the epidural and backed way off on the pitocin!

The epidural was wonderful! I still had some feeling on my left side, but it was tolerable. I could feel all of my contractions, but they didn't hurt at all! By 8:00 I was still only dilated to a little more than a four. The nurse had me turn on my side to see if that would help. At this time everyone was expecting Jonathan to be born in the early hours of the morning.

About an hour later the nurse was about to go have some dinner and decided to check again before she left. We were glad she did. I had already dilated to an eight! Things began moving quickly after this. The nurse didn't even get to eat. Myles went out in the lobby to give everyone an update and while he was gone I reached a nine! I didn't think he'd make it back in time, and our moms were wondering why he even left in the first place! (He was just excited and wanted to share it with everyone else.) After a few more minutes went by, his mom went to get him and said he was watching TV! (He said he just happened to look at it for a second when she walked in the room! They give him a hard time about that now.)

I don't remember the exact times of everything, but by 11:15 I was at a 10 and pushing. By about 11:37 he was crowned and the doctor came in for the catch. She almost didn't get gowned in time! Everyone told me not to push, so I didn't, but he came out on his own on the next contraction! The doctor turned around just in time to catch him! Myles' mom told me later that she thought she was going to have to run over there and catch him before he hit the floor! It was pretty funny actually. :)

Jonathan David was born on May 4th at 11:39 PM weighing 9 lbs. 2 ozs. and was 21 3/4" long. He obviously had a great set of lungs and beautiful skin color! Everything went so well. We were so excited!

When Jonathan was about 5 days old it was very apparent that I had a UTI. I was able to get an antibiotic and recover fairly quickly, but that first day or two of it was horrible. It was around the time my milk came in and I was still having problems with breastfeeding (learning to use a nipple shield due to flat nipples), so it was not a good few days there for a little bit.

Skip ahead almost 7 years......Wow, I can't believe he is about to turn SEVEN!

As I look back on this account of his birth, I do have a totally different perspective now. First of all, I do NOT want to be induced any more! I really don't see any medical need for it, and it can put the mother and baby at risk, not to mention that the contractions are so much more painful than when you go into labor on your own! I would not want to be checked for dilation and effacement either. What's the point? I'm going to progress regardless, and it can only make things worse, not better.

I would refuse to be monitored, and I would not get an epidural. I remember the epidural not giving complete coverage, and when I think about that now, it's pretty scary! I remember being very uncomfortable on the bed. I had no option of getting up and walking around because of the monitors, pitocin and epidural. I was getting miserable just laying there. I remember changing to my left side, which helped me dilate more quickly, probably because I was able to change positions.

The UTI I know was from the catheter and internal monitors. They also had put some type of monitor on Jonathan's head, so he had one or two SCREWS in his head!!! It really is true that all they (medical professionals) want is a good outcome, and they don't care how it comes about. We were disillusioned into thinking that everything was great because I didn't have to have a c-section, I didn't feel any pain after the epidural, I didn't have to push very long and our first child was very healthy. If I remember correctly, I think he scored an 8 and 9 on his two apgar tests, so that was pretty good.

Actually, another thing I just remembered is that right after he was born, they did all the routine things that hospitals do for babies; eye drops, shots, heel prick and then a bottle of formula for his FIRST feeding because his blood sugar was "borderline high"! I am so sad about that now, that I didn't get to nurse him for his very first feeding. :( Honestly, I don't even remember them asking me or giving me a choice, they just tested his blood sugar (because he was "big") and then gave him a bottle....right in front of me, but I didn't get to do it.

Another thing that scares me thinking back on all this is that Jonathan was seriously coming out on his own with each contraction. There were probably 20 people in the room (can you say "privacy"?), and NO ONE was moving to get him. I was on the bed where they break away the foot part and put my feet in stirrups, shine the lights right on that area and raise the bed up high, about to chest level. Now picture a baby being born from that height with no one to catch him and about 20 people standing there just watching! That is seriously what was happening, and my doctor had her back to me putting her gown, mask and gloves on! She literally turned around just in time! They were telling me not to push and to wait for the doctor, but HELLO, I couldn't stop him from coming out! Scary, scary, scary!

Also, I tore really bad and was sore (bruised) for a good 3 months. I wonder if this could have been avoided if I had not had such hard contractions and progressed at a more natural rate rather than them increasing the pitocin and making me go faster. I also couldn't feel anything when pushing, so I don't know if I was actually ready or if I pushed too hard, etc. The entire experience, really, was not fun looking back on it. And I hate to admit it, but this was probably the best experience of my 3 labors/births.